There’s so many ways to do stand up, and I think, for awhile, people weren’t really maximizing the freedom of it. We were all kind of doing a similar kind of stand up, and I started to see some original voices come out of Boston.

Rescuing dogs is looked upon as a noble, trendy pursuit. But wouldn’t rescuing a man from a homeless shelter be, in fact, more humane?

I’ve finally been able to trust and have intimacy with somebody, which I’ve never been able to do. Like a lot of guys, I just have a hard time getting that connected. I can actually sleep with her in my arms – spoons position, right? Women smile, they love the spoons. Men would rather fork.

I never know what I’m going to say as I walk up to the microphone. I try to be in the moment. I try to go deeper into myself. I discover things on stage that I don’t discover off stage about me.

Lieutenant Governor Paterson – blind, black guy – gets sworn in. First thing he says is, ‘By the way, cheated on my wife. Let’s just get that out in the open right now.’ He didn’t need to admit that. He’s blind. Could have said it was an accident.

It’s an amazingly consistent thing with Irish people. We will talk to strangers at parties for hours. It’s what we were bred to do I think. And the Jewish people were bred to write the stuff that we say.

My father told me when I first started that standup is exciting and I should pursue it, but that writing would be the thing that would give me power over my career. I never have to take a road gig or a writing gig I don’t want because I always have the ability to play one against the other.

If we don’t have souls then who am I talking to when I keep telling myself to be good?

I’m kinda stuck in that awkward in-between stage where my hair is just starting to fall out, but I’m still maintaining my youthful acne.

My kids teased me at dinner that I’m not cool. I told them if I was cool I wouldn’t be sitting at home with my kids. Pass the gravy.